Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I've got two words: compound fracture

I started skiing when I was 10. My Dad took us skiing about 3 times per year, every year until I was 17. My Mom gave up on skiing after the very first trip, and then gave up on even coming with us to mountains after trip 4 - annoyed that all she did was cook and do laundry.

But my Dad was always there. He also started skiing the same time we did, so that means he was 34 when he started skiing. Now my Dad was a football player in high school and college. He plays tennis, played racquetball, rides a bike for miles, and overall was a pretty athletic guy. But I always remembered that as my brother and I learned to ski - we became really good - and by the time we were 17, we could ski on any runs. Double diamond? Bring it. But my Dad never really advanced at the same pace. He was always very cautious. Went down the slopes slowly, never with reckless abandon as my brother and I would. At 42, I know why. Things hurt.

As the years went by, he'd opt for half days, and due to an achy knee from a football injury, he'd sometimes sit out, and hang out on the deck of the lodge, watch the skiers and wait for us to finish. When we'd show up, he always had a big smile. We just assumed he was happy we were finally done and we could leave.

I continued to ski until I was 36. But next month, I'm heading off to Tahoe for Andy's 30th birthday and there is absolutely no question in my mind that I will NOT be skiing. After 3 back surgeries, two partially torn rotator cuffs, and the fact that I live alone and couldn't care for myself in the event of an injury, I quickly arrived at the decision that I can't risk skiing - probably ever again. Even though I go to the gym more regularly now than I ever have in my life, I'm frankly scared of the inevitable trifecta - Ski. Fall. Break.

The beauty of youth is they never consider, expect, or think about that day when they realize they're old, frail, and mortal. Well, that day has arrived. It's shitty, but it's the truth. I guess it's time to settle into my new role as that middle-aged man sitting on the deck of the lodge. And as he sees that kid zoom by, he remembers a day long-gone when that used to be him...a boy filled with reckless abandon. And that's what makes him smile.

I think he might have put a ring on it

Are you all noticing the same thing I am????? Don't make me spell it OUT!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Nothing short of brilliant

This is really one of the best ads I've seen in a long time. Not a single word of dialog. Not needed. Enjoy!

Also - do a search on Youtube for "durex behind the scenes" and see some funny outtakes for this ad - cute!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Praise and blasphemy

So, really, Barak Obama has THE best speech writer in the history of speech writers. He never disappoints. His language is crisp, specific, and meaningful. His words are believable, understandable, and memorable. I look forward to his actions matching his words.

Now, this might seem blasphemous but I thought Aretha Franklin was HORRIBLE and I was actually a little embarassed for her. And that hat didn't help matters....at all.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

God I love this place

I'll never forget the first weekend I moved to San Francisco and I was strolling down the street to get a coffee and my friend, Matthew P, was driving up the other direction and he saw me and stopped in the street and we chatted right there in the street. Now coming from the burbs... you just didn't run into people while around town. While we were chatting I said to Matthew "Wow... this is SO great just running into you like this." Now Matthew had lived in NYC and SF for quite some time, and he giggled to himself and said "Oh honey...just wait!"

Well 5 years 4 months and 14 days later, that one experience still symbolizes the single best part of living in SF for me. And today it was punctuated again of how much I still love San Francisco.

This morning, Pandy and I met Gabe and Matt for a nice brunch at Luna. At brunch, we had a ton of laughs (thanks to Mr. Duke's crafty wit) and then Pandy and I decided to stroll around the Castro and digest before hitting the gym. When we got to the corner of Market and Castro, we ran into Jimmysan...hugs, kisses, and chit chat...then 10 seconds later, Jeb and Russ came across the street to our corner...hugs, kisses, and chit chat...then 1 minute later Dicky strolled down to the same corner...hugs, kisses, and chit chat...

We all spent a few minutes bullshitting and laughing. We all said our "gotta go's" and went on our ways. God, I really LOVE that about living in SF. The random encounters. The community feel. It happens mostly everytime I go out into the Castro - always run into someone I know or someone across the street I wave "hello" to.

I'm so glad I discovered how much living in an urban environment - and particulary in my little gay village - means to me. It's amazing. It's comforting. It's home.

Oh - and another great by-product of living here is seeing crazy stuff in the local shops. Get a load of this coffee table for sale... LOL... yes, that's a coffee table. Neow that's a lion after my own heart.

Ross is Boss

It is so refreshing to see that Ross now has specialized departments to meet the unique needs of the gay community. Kudos to them for embracing my people.









Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Holy Tuna Taco, Batman!

I'm in Seattle, laying in my hotel bed when THIS commercial comes on the TV. Even though the production quality, acting, and script are fucking atrocious, I have to say how awesome it was to see a TV commercial about fingering pussy.

http://www.vibratingtouch.com/?page=video

Who's on first?

I just had the strangest phone call. I received a missed call on my cell. It was a 415 number but with no name, and they left no voice message. So I decide to call it back. This was my conversation:

A woman answers, "Hello..."
I say "Hello, this is Dave, I just missed a call from you. May I ask who this is?"
She says, "Well, hello Dave, this is Judy."
I'm like "Hello, Judy. How can I help you?"
She says, "Well, I'm not sure. This is Dave?"
"Yes, Dave DeFranco."
She says, "Is this Dave Solomon?"
I say, "No, Dave DeFranco."
She says "I don't know you."
I say, "Well you just called me."
She says, "No I didn't."
I said, "Well your number came up on my phone just now."
She blurts, "That's impossible. I don't make phone calls."
I say, "Well that's odd, I just got your number on my cell - just now."
She snaps, "I'm a VERY old woman. Why would I be calling anyone?!"
I said, "Well I don't know. That's why I'm calling...to find out."
She says, "This is ridiculous. I don't know how you got my number but I DON'T know who you are and I DON'T call people. I only RECEIVE calls! Thank you and goodbye!"
CLICK

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Sunday Funny Sunday

So this morning I was sitting at Starbuck's waiting for Pandy to show up... and there was a guy there with a cockatoo on his shoulder. The bird was crawling around his owner's arm, bobbing his head back and forth.

Then in classic bird voice the bird said "Hello..."

Then it said, "How are you?"

I looked over and smiled at the owner, entertained by the bird's chit chat.

Then the bird said, "Oh no, you shouldn't smoke. It will aggravate your asthma."

WHAT?!?!?!?!?! I did a double-take and then noticed that two people over to my left, there was an elderly Japanese woman talking on her cell phone - it was her the whole time...she sounded JUST like that god damn bird. Then the owner of the bird walked the cockatoo over to the curb...the bird lifted it's tail feather and shot a stream of bird shit right into the street. The owner kissed the bird on the beak and said "Good poopies!" I totally started laughing outloud to myself. And then I was annoyed that he let his bird shit in the street like that without picking it up. LOL...

Then tonight, at my parents' house, the whole family was playing a card game that is similar to scrabble. You get cards with letters on them and you have to assemble the cards to make words.

Well, it was my turn and in my hand were the letters Q U E F R. My 8-yr old niece looks over my shoulder to peek at my cards to help me form a word. She quickly blurts out "QUEEF!"... "QUEEF!"..."Uncle Dave...QUEEF!"

Well I start laughing my ass off, my sister-in-law starts laughing...then my Dad starts laughing...to which my Mom says "Why is that funny? What's a queef?"

So then me and my sister-in-law start laughing even harder. My niece continues to blurt out the word "QUEEF." I can't correct her that I actually don't have the letters to spell it - cuz I'm laughing so hard by now that I'm completely inaudible. My dad leans over and whispers the definition in my Mom's ear. She giggled quickly and then said "Alright, let's play the game!" The funny part is, I was so curious as to how my dad defined that to my Mom... did he get it right? Did he say "It's a pussy fart"? I'm dying to know but I could never ask him.

So I had 2 good laughs today. Thanks, Sunday!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Earned my BearScouts Hiking Badge

It was an amazing day today in San Francisco. Not a cloud in the sky. Sunny. 65. What a great day for a hike. Today's group, about 35 of us, went up to the Mt. Tam area and hiked the Dipsea-Steep Ravine trail. It was a perfect day for a hike!

But it didn't start off that great. When we got to the parking lot, there was another big group of people (mix of adults and kids) getting ready outside their cars. We didn't think much of it until we saw this on the window of their giant van.

Needless to say, it caused quite a small commotion for our group. We kept waiting until they all left because we wanted to all surround their van and take a picture of a pack of homos surrounding it. But when they finally left, turned out someone in our group was NONE too happy about it and actually ripped the sticker off their van and threw it on the ground.

I can't say I agreed with that, at all. I don't agree with the opposition, but this is America and everyone has the right to express it. But anyway - we got passed it and headed off for our hike. Mr. Duke and I disagreed on this point. He believed it was a fine, acceptable thing to rip their sticker off their car. I didn't and felt it just enlists violence and hatred. He said "they deserve whatever they get." I respect his opinion but don't agree. We validated each other's feelings and then moved on to other topics...like boys....

The group was really big but we managed to keep together, for the most part. I met a bunch of new people and also had a big group of good friends as well, so it was the perfect mix.
The odd part was that any time we passed other people, they would always ask "What group are you with?" Jimmer quickly replied, "BearScouts SF" so I think the group should now be called that. As we passed this one gentleman, he said, "Look at this group of real men!" to which Jimmer then threw his hands frilly in the air and shrieked out "OOOH...MUD!" LOL... awesome.

Enjoy the pics!