Heterosexual with complications

Adj.
1. haggard - showing the wearing effects of overwork or care or suffering. Usage: "Ted Haggard appeared haggard in his attempt to convince America that he's not a cock-craving, cum-gurgling, sausage smuggler."

Last night when I got home, I caught the last 20 minutes of the Ted Haggard documentary, and then this morning, my TiVo had his interview with Oprah. I just got done watching it. Great...I was treated to a double-headed haggard dildo.

What a douche. And his wife too.

He was working his agenda hard, saying he's a "Heterosexual with complications"... that's how he identifies himself. No joke. Can you fucking believe that? Would the complication be that he GOT CAUGHT? Or that he can't convince his wife to strap it on?

Oprah's body language was actually pretty severe. She was clearly not buying his - or his wife's - big bag of bullshit. Oprah kept pushing him on the fact that "um, you crave the cock though, right?" Well she didn't put it like that, but close. This isn't over. Just wait. He'll cave in and seek out the meth and the mens soon enough. Oh, revenge is sweet.

I think the funniest thing in the interview, though, was when Oprah said "As a heterosexual, I don't know what it's like to have homosexual thoughts. But I have many gay friends." And all I could think of was, "Yeah, like your girlfriend Gayle."