What is this, you ask? That would be a Trader Joe's Frozen Pizza after cooking for 2 hours at 450 degrees. Yes... 2 hours.After a nice evening out with Andy, Don, and Darkness, I anxiously anticipated eating this frozen pizza when I arrived home. Mmmm... what a perfect snack before heading to bed. I preheated the oven. Popped in the pizza and set the timer for 10 minutes, and sat on the sofa and started watching The Soup on TiVo. How quick! A frozen pizza ready to eat in 10 minutes. I can't wait!
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! blasts into my subconscious and drags me out of my slumber. I open my eyes to hear not the oven timer - but both of my fire alarms - SCREAMING at me to wake the fuck up.
I jump up off the sofa and run into the kitchen to find smoke billowing out of the oven. I look up and smoke has filled the ceiling. I open the oven door to find that my pizza is now a charcoal frisbee. I frantically begin opening all the windows. Turn the vent on. Open the back door. Open the front door. Grab a hand towel and start fanning it in front of the alarms so they'll shut the hell up.
Smoke covers the ceilings of every room in my house. I turn on a fan and point it into each room to move the smoke towards the windows. It surprisingly works.
I can't believe I almost burnt the house down. Nice move.
Note to self: cold, pre-prepared, or microwave-only snacks attempted prior to bedtime.
4 comments:
Perhaps Nazario's would be a good choice next time lol
Reminds me of the placenta bbq nine months after Miss White's invited gang rape by the Hell's Angels (decades ago really). Nice to know that we didn't have to throw you a memorial service over a Trader Joe's frozen pizza Davie.
Peter
Nice work. Brings me back to that evening a couple of years ago that began with me sitting comfortably in my Oakland apartment enjoying a cosmo and ended with the Oakland Fire Department busting down my neighbor's door thanks to the neighbor's decision to dry their Nike's in the oven.
The fireman was very cute though, tried to get me to ask him in for cocktails. Closest I've ever been to being in a porn script. So far.....
Hey sweetie, I dare you and Goebel to be my date to go see SATC. Pleeeeeeeeze (pitiful begging)
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