Monday, April 28, 2008

Making the most of something I like the least

Yesterday I went to Santa Cruz with my family to celebrate my Dad's birthday. The weather was amazing and the beach was packed. For all those that don't know me too well, sitting in the sun on a beach for hours ranks just above having stitches removed from my ballsack.

And I wasn't too interested in swimming in the ocean due to the recent report of a man getting killed by a shark down the coast. So I sat there thinking to myself... hmmm... this day is gonna SUCK. But then I saw that my sister-in-law had brought a bunch of my nieces' sand toys (plastic forms and shovels). So I did what any self-respecting gay man would've done... I rebuilt the grand Aztec civilization, Teotihuacan, The Temple City for the Feathered Serpent "Quetzalcoatl" out of sand... duh!

The architect in me demanded perfect symmetry. Balance and harmony were strategic design underpinnings and guided my every decision. I ruled over my family with an iron fist and a long whip as they tended to filling the endless sand forms. I quickly referred to my workerbees as "sanddabbers"... they responded well to the humiliation.
















When we finished our sand tribute to the great feathered serpent, the gods frowned on us and threatened the survival of our civilization by angering the seas around us. As the tide came in, it was evident that quite soon our civilization would be destroyed. So I put the sanddabbers back to work and had them break backs to construct a wall and moat around our city to help endure our way of life.

















But, alas, the anger of the gods was too strong for our good intentions. Within 30 minutes the mighty sea eventually wiped away thousands of years and countless lives. When all hope was lost, and the last temple stood standing...we did what all advanced societies do. We saluted, we cried, we prayed...and then we sat back down, cracked a Coors Light, and ate Kettle Corn.


Sunday, April 20, 2008

Chronicles of Ferocia: The Chant, The Rex, and The Matress

This past weekend was a blast. Coming off of my whine from being lonely after Matt and Daisy moved out - Matt (Chant) temporarily moved back in for the weekend - and he brought a guest! Chant's long time friend, Matt (more commonly knowm as Matress) flew in from Virginia this weekend to surprise Chant for is 31st bday which is next week.

So Chant and Matress came and stayed at my place from Thursday through today. We had a lot of fun! On Thursday night, we ended up at The Stud where they were having a Goth-meets-Dance party. So there we were... Chant, Matress, and me (Rex), with a couple of trannies, and some make-up artists who were putting goth eye makeup on anyone who would play along. Well - since we were really the only ones there - we played along. Then there we were, now a BIGGER bunch of trannies...LOL... but I wasn't about to get into a mini-skirt and halter top. Chant did though ;-)
















Even though there were never more than 20 people at this event, we ended up having a great time. The funny part was trying to get the makeup off that night - and the next morning. When I woke up, one of my white hand towels had 2 GIANT black and blue circles smeared into it. It was just like the Shroud of Turin. We scrubbed our eyes so many times - but the whole day we all had just the faintest touch of eyeliner on our bottom lids. What Hot Tranny Mess Ferocias...and we weren't apologizing for it. Well, maybe just a little.

On Friday a group of 9 of us went to dinner to celebrate Wilma and Andrew being in town for the weekend. Drinks at Mecca, dinner at Home, drinks at Daddy's, and then games back at Jim/Matthew's house made for a super complete evening. Matt and Matress were SO wasted Friday night. Too funny.

We threw a party for our friend Ellena (known as Darkness) since there was chance she was going to get deported back to Zimbabwe. But, alas, with just 2 weeks from the deadline - her lawyer has come up with a solution that should keep her here in the US. It was still a great party. We had about 15 peeps. Ugh - people were doing Banana-flavored Malibu Rum shots and eating Tequlia-soaked Watermelon. That's just WRONG on so many levels.

Anyway - it was really great having Chant and Matress stay with me for the weekend - and having a house full of friends for the party. Tons of fun. Thanks guys, for making it a great weekend.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

From "Full House" to "Empty Nest"

This past week it was a full house at Casa de DeFranco. Chant (Matt) needed a place to stay for a week before he was able to move back into Ed's place. And I was dog sitting Daisy, the Bulldog. It was really great to have so much "life" in the house with me.

Alas, though, today I came home from work to find it empty again. Matt moved into Ed's today and Daisy's parents came home from Hawaii. It's such a double-edged sword. As much as I appreciate the luxury of being able to live on my own, I have to say how MUCH I love having all the extra energy around me. It reminded me of how much I liked it when Matt lived here for 2 months back in Nov-Jan, when Shannon stayed with me for about 4 weeks, and when Jason lived here for 8 months. Having someone to bullshit with... eat with...watch and laugh at TV together... It makes me appreciate what great friends I have and that we can come together and share space, have a great time, to only strengthen the friendship.

It was also awesome to have a doggie around too. I brought her to work with me everyday and that reminded me a lot of what I love about having a dog. A little pal that hangs around with you. I'm not ready to try parenthood again... I still enjoy the freedom of NOT having a pet. But it was nice to have that experience again, even just for a spell.

Between having Chant and Daisy around, I guess it made me feel the difference between a house and home. I mean... just look at these faces?

Oh - Daisy is the one on the right...the one with the small nose.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Happy Birthday FTP

One of the sweetest and kindest men I know is celebrating his birthday today...Fred Bothe... more commonly known as Fred The Plumber... and even more commonly known as FTP.

Happy Birthday to you!!!

Love,
Davey

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Aloha from Uncle Kawika

I had a real touching moment last weekend. My 12-year old niece, Jessica, called me up to invite me as her date to you "Me and My Pal" dance for her girlscouts. It was really sweet. I mean, unless I had plane tickets in my hand, what would have more important than this?

It was a Hawaiian theme so all the Dad's and their daughters...and one Gay Uncle and his niece... were donned in bright - usually hideous - Hawaiian shirts. The gym was lit by straight people (bright and flourescent) and was a bit awkward for a dance - but oh well. We had to wear nametags with the Hawaiian translation of our name. Mine is Kawika (pronounced Kavika).

Sure enough, 1 hour into the dance...nobody was dancing. And of course my extroverted niece decides she's Pink and she's gonna "Get this party started!" So she grabs my hand and promptly leads me to the dance floor where we being to dance... all by ourselves...for the entire song! What a bunch of chickens.

Both my nieces were at the dance (7-year old Sydney took Dad as her date) so we got some good Uncle-Niece time out on the dance floor. Sure enough they spent most of the time flittering around with their girlfriends... but that was OK with me. I was just touched that she asked me to go. There are only a few moments in life I'll ever get like that being a gay man without kids... so I'll take 'em.

Oh - and by the way - MY nieces are awesome dancers. Sorry Wilma...

Saturday, April 5, 2008

I stand corrected...

This is actually the GAYEST thing ever. My apologies to that nice man who was driving the gold Echo.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Bearacle Optical

Me in my new glasses.

And the Darwin Award goes to...

So... I'm an idiot. Turns out my iPod Nano must have been left ON while in my backpack cuz the little exclamation point icon was attached to a little battery icon... so once I plugged her in, well, she perked right up. Honeymoon is back on. Thanks for the link Matt. From your link I went to the iPod iconology page and realized this was the little image I saw on the dark screen.

The honeymoon is over

Well - my Apple experience faultered a bit last night.

First off, my iPhone let me down last night. I was waiting for a client dinner to commence at the Greens Vegetarian restaurant at Fort Mason (tasty non-flesh food, I have to admit) and I thought I'd create my first blog entry from my iPhone. So I go to this site, logged in, wrote the title to the entry ("How awesome, iDid it!") only to find out that iCouldn't. Because of some lame techno-lackofcompatibility the keyboard didn't enable when I tried to get the cursor inside the field that lets me type my blog entry. I was so hoping I'd be able to contribute blog-on-the-go entries. No luck. I guess my iPhone was bound to disappoint me sooner or later.

Then, after dinner I went to the gym and got on the treadmill to find my 1-yr, 3-mo. old iPod Nano wouldn't turn on, and it had that little "Exclamation Point" icon on the dark screen. I tried all the little tricks to get it to reset. No luck. So pissed. I'm sure I can get it to work again...I hope.

Hmmm... well, Apple darling...it was a fantastic honeymoon.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Now THAT'S popular

I was watching a PBS special tonight on the life of Lucille Ball. They said that the TV Guide once reported that Lucille Ball's face has been seen by more people that any other human being's face EVER. Odd bit of trivia... but I thought that was amazing.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

What is the gayest thing EVER?

A man driving a gold Echo... need I say more?
(Sorry Chant)

Ah... the good ol days

This is classic. What an HR nightmare if a document like this was to get in the hands of anyone. Would it be too UN-PC to say that some of the points make sense to me? BLASPHEMY!!! Tip #3 is my FAVE...

1943 Guide to Hiring WomenThe following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issues of Transportation Magazine.

This was written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II.

Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees: There’s no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage.

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they’re less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn’t be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It’s always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3. General experience indicates that “husky” girls – those who are just a little on the heavy side – are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination – one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5. Stress at the outset the importance of time the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they’ll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some point during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can’t shrug off harsh words in the way men do. Never ridicule a woman – it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl’s husband or father may swear vociferously, she’ll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11. Get enough size variety in operator’s uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can’t be stressed too much in keeping women happy.