Friday, May 22, 2009

Good Morning from Manhattan

I arrived in NYC last night...well, technically this morning at 1:30am...to be greeting by a cool spring eve. I grabbed a cab north for about 80 blocks from 33rd to 113th where Gabe and Jason live. I had the window down, and we drove up Central Park West the majority of the way - so I could looky-lou at all the grand parkside buildings.

This morning, Gabe and I headed out to have a Bagel and Lox at a historic Jewish deli/restaurant calle Barney Greenspan's. It was super tasty - but wow - $16 for a bagel with lox... welcome to Manhattan!

Then, after Gabe dropped into the subway system towards his meeting, I decided to walk approx 30 blocks through Central Park on my way back to his place. Once I stepped foot into the park, I realized that it's the first time I've ever really walked THRU the park.



It really is a spectacular park. So well manicured. Clean. Beautiful trails and water features. My favorite place was sitting down and enjoying "The Pond". I'd like to come back here with my honey, grab a spot under a tree and lay on a big blanket and take a nap. So serene. Maybe one day soon ;-)



I'm looking forward to seeing some other friends while here. Gabe & Jason's place is HUGE! 3-stories - prob about 2800-3200 sq feet - and the neighborhood, Morningside, is really adorable. Great to see and be in a new part of the city.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I see you

Two days before my grandma's visit was to end, she had to be rushed to the ER for some internal bleeding. They performed emergency surgery to repair a hernia that ruptured through her intenstine wall. Needlesstosay, her stay has been extended.

I went yesterday to visit her in ICU and it was both hard and sweet. As I approached the ICU ward I walked by the rooms and looked in to see which one held her. I walked slowly and as I passed the doorways, I'd take a quick peek in to see where she was. I walked by them all and didn't see her, yet saw a host of extremely ill people connected to so much equipment it was spooky.

I figured they had moved her to the regular hospital ward. Thank god. I went up to the nurse to ask what room my grandma had been moved to. I asked the desk nurse, "Where can I find Ann D'Amore?" She hestitated as if the name didn't sounds familiar. She then said "Oh, Ann Damore, she's right there." And points to the room right behind me. I turned to see a small, feable woman with slicked-back gray hair, eyes closed, tubes down her throat and nose. Tubes coming out of her sides, and a machine forcing her to breath. It was my grandma. Just moments before, I had completely walked by, looked in, and dismissed her as someone I didn't know. That was hard.

Within 3 minutes of me being there, the Pulmonist came in and said they were taking her off the breathing tube, so they pulled all the tape away from her mouth and then started pulling the tube out. She coughed and gagged but seemed very relieved to have it out. Once they were done, they pointed at me, and asked her "Ann, do you know who that is?" And her eyes opened heavily and she coarsely mouthed, "That's my baby." That was sweet.

I stayed for about 2 hours but her eyes were closed and she seemed to be sleeping for the most part, but every so often she would push her eyes open, with a very drugged and dazed look on her face. She looked so uncomfortable, in pain, and really out of it so I just stroked her arm, and rubbed her fingers and run my fingers on her forehead. At one point she opened her eyes, forced a teeeny smile, and mouthed "I love you." and that made me well up.

To see her so weak and near death was really a disturbing moment. She's always so spicy, firey, and sassy. She really looked like she was going to pass away and that was a terrible sight. The one thing we were totally happy about was this happened here - and not in NJ. She doesn't have anyone that can really care for her back home, so at least she can recover here at my parents' house and my mom can take care of her.

My parents showed up and we started talking about her recovery, and her insurance, and questioning whether or not her coverage is good enough for an emergency surgery and 3 days in ICU. While standing over her, we started talking about our healthcare compared to other countries that have socialized medicine and taking the perspective that other countries like Norway, Sweden, and Canada may actually do healthcare better. I look down and my grandma mouths to me "Fuck You." I started cracking up it was so good to see that sassiness coming through. She's a proud American and hates when people bad mouth America... so even in her foggy recovery, it was nice to know she could understand us - and still be a firecracker even in ICU.

I love you grandma.

Monday, May 11, 2009

There just aren't enough words

What it lacks in technical merit...well really any merit at all... it makes up for in memorability

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Almost a decade for butterflies

First off, I apologize for the month-long delay in-between entries. To say things have been crazy since March 2nd is an understatement. Why March 2nd? Well that's the day my life changed. For the better. You see, from December of 1999 til March 1 of 2009 I've been going through life as a single gay man. A man who remained single because he was searching for something that really felt special. Frankly...I've been waiting to feel butterflies. I waited for almost a decade but it was all worth it.

I'm happy to announce to the WORLD that Matt and I are now in a relationship and I have a full-fledged butterfly aviary in my belly... and it feels AMAZING.



Matt and I have known each other for about 4.5 years, but after he and Scott parted ways, we started spending a great deal of time together and through that time we started getting closer and closer. And I started feeling those butterflies.

The scary thing, I have to admit, was that over the past few years, I started to wonder if I was EVER going to be in love again. I had to have a few serious conversations with myself and said, "Well Dave, it may just be like this for the rest of your life." And I started to listen to that voice more and more...and was saddened to think that I may never be in love again.

Now that Matt and I are together - I've never been happier. It's so great to feel these feelings again and to be silly, giddy, romantic, and loving. The unfortunate part is that Matt currently lives in LA and although he isn't too fond of it there, that's where his job is right now. He'd like to get back to SF as soon as he can, but we'll just do the long distance thing until the gods twitch their nose and make a few changes in our favor.

We've had the great fortune to spend 6 of the first 8 weekends of our relationship together - and I'm very excited about his visit next weekend to meet my family and some of my SJ friends. And our plan is to try and see each other at least every 3 weeks. I also talked to work about me working remotely for a week a month so I can spend a few longer trips with Matt in LA until the U-haul brings him home.

Our dynamic has been incredible. We have so much fun when we're together - and the way I see it, we're just a great match. We share a solid and close group of friends, which have been very supportive and encouraging.

The only way to describe how I feel is that I constantly wish I could smile bigger than I'm physically capable of.

He's my guy... I've got a guy... wow - it's been so long since I've been able to say that... I'm just "YAY" all over my face.