Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I beg your pardon?

So, I just took one of those Facebook quizzes... it was called, "What niche San Francisco stereotype are you." After answering 5 lame questions, this is what it said...word for word...no shit...

Gay Fuzzy Bear of the Castro

You are a big fat gay dude who loves the man's ass. You love leather and fuzzy chests. In fact that is the only thing that remotely resembles a noble bear, is the hair. Other than that a bear would maul your ass and eat you for dinner.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Mtt wehnt tyo brreacudea lst nghght

Oh blog, it's been sooooo long since we've chatted. I've been super busy with work ... blah blah blah... but last night reinvigorated me to chat with you again. Matt went out last night to Bearacuda and oh did the drunk texts abound. Take a peek. This is an ACTUAL transcription. My favorite is actually the last line... where he somehow inserted this character ^ into his text... LOL... That's my honey!!! Also notice how many texts he does in a row... without any response.


Matt: I"Im gairty siurei'm trasjhed lol fammnit

Matt: Thkrtrsr a xhanxe eric and ee njj!

Matt: Tyhjnnjt hg gtyhnn

Matt: .ammg thois is the tomnri chrexk outt


Matt: Og sjgiit gabrbe anf r teyibiig to get! awker

Matt: I THLIINK ALDRICHJ jioust have m e ahug

Dave: Sounds fun hunny. Come home safe.

Matt: I Ihk mu himehybetah so myxhzzz!!!!

Matt: Hkomily to u babnmy baeasr

Dave: LOL Glad u r having a good time

Matt: Ykes bu t ikI'm totallu y fucktted up

Dave: I can tell...LOL I'm off to sleep babes muah! Can't wait for you to get home

Matt: I indove my abbabheyneryz!!!

Matt: sjo eric mam abd gsldj r here so maybr m y they can tqkre me hoeme


Matt: O bgh we7kre got s ham som byjing dannwicjhhhib mimss maj memberhr!!!!!!! goddddmkbit a

Matt: Oond g my fgawd. kh^l) so trajzched i thkink andty iks ciminbhg to gret me

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A skosh nervous

It's funny to be so nervous about something. It's one part exhilaration, one part perspiratio. I know I'm 42 and an adult but I have to admit that in this moment, I feel like a teen/twenties again. Not from a "oh how youthful I feel" but more from a reminiscent feeling of youth.

This weekend I'm flying to Harrisburg to meet Matt's family and friends. I'm nervous about a few things. Of course, the obvious is "Will they like me?". I know that's silly but it is a concern. Although he's open to his parents and they've met his previous partner, it's still a big moment - especially since we don't live close to them AND I'm staying at their house. So this isn't like a meet-n-greet casual dinner and then back home. This is 4 days of staying with them - so it's gonna be lashes set to "charming" for 96 hours! I know it will all be fine - and I'll love them and they'll love me... blah blah blah... but it doesn't change the fact that these nerves are present - and I fear any awkward silences... GAWD I hate the awkward silence. I'll probably just go into Super-chatty mode - which I also need to be conscious of so as not to turn them off...that can be equally as annoying as awkward silences.

One blessing is that Tress, one of Matt's best friends that I'm close with, will also be in Harrisburg staying with us at his parents, so there will be some comic relief as they have known Tress for some time and also adore him. And having him there too will really ease things for me.

Other shining stars are that I've met 2 other dear friends of his that live back there - Lika and Jesse. As long time family friends of Matt's, it's also nice to know there will be familiar faces to see.

The other part I'm nervous about is being a big soggy mess. It'll be August in Pennsylvania...that translates to muggy and hot. Not this bear's best microclimate. Other than trapping myself indoors surrounded by central air, I'm sure we'll need to leave the sanctuary and venture into the swampy outdoors and into a steamy car...enough times for me to be soaked and stinky. That'll impress 'em!

My last nerve-making issue is "Keeping up with the Grigoryans". You see, I've been fairwarned that doing vodka shots is a common occurence during meals to celebrate visitors...a holiday...oxygen... so I'm really nervous about being able to keep up and not accidentally hurl smoked salmon all over my new mother-in-law. "Oh Matt...he's just deLIGHTful!" Matt said he'll teach me how to say "half-size please" in Russian so they'll pour me smaller shots, but I'm sure that translates into "Big pussy here" and I don't want to embarass Matt to his family.

I'll be thankful for three things:
1. I hit it off with his family and friends
2. The humidity and heat don't melt me
3. I pack Advil

Stay tuned for the post-trip report.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Baby make? Good baby.

Funny how when we're infants, the grandest thing you can do to receive acclaim is poop your pants. Unveiling a hot and heavy steamer in the nest of a diaper is a treasure chest when you're at the pacifier stage.

Not so much when you're 42.

Last week I was suffering from the onset of a severe stomach flu or food poisoning. I tried coming to work but was exhausted and dehydrated from my hours on the throne. I crawled into the backseat of my car to grab a quick catnap to help invigorate me.

When I awoke, I felt another rumble in the Bronx, sat up in the car, and headed towards the public restroom in our office complex. On the way...I sensed something running down the back of my thigh. I stopped. Touched my ass. And, yes, to my chagrin my entire backside was soaked with my sick.

I then had to walk through the office complex courtyard where people lounged to get to the restroom. Interject "MORTIFIED" look on my face when I got to the restroom and pulled off my jeans. OH EM GEE!!

I basically had to bathe myself, toss the "treasure chest" into the garbage can, and get to my parent's house which was only 7 miles from work. But the worse part was that I had to put those NASTY WET jeans back on to get back to my car.

I did, and hurried back through the complex courtyard, pivoting by passer-bys pretending to talk on my cell phone so I could keep my front to everyone. So stealth.

When I got to my car, I realized I couldn't sit on the seat, so I took off my pants in the parking garage, and planned to drive naked to my parent's. But this journey is not over. I sat in the car only to be welcomed to the stench that I had just left behind in the bathroom. I turn around and see a wet spot on the backseat. I guess when I sat up from my nap - that's when it occurred. I quickly put those nasty jeans back on, ran around to the back and soaked the seat with water from my gym bottle...and scrubbed fast and furious in my best Joan Crawford because I truly was MAD AT THE DIRT.

I got naked once again, crawled into the driver seat and drove to my parents house. It was so weird to drive naked from the waist down. OK, it was a little exciting. Got to parent's house, had to put those damn jeans back on again to get into the house. Once in, I crawled into bed to sleep the adventure away.


Thursday, June 4, 2009

Fabulous Atrocity...?

...or Atrocious Fabulosity? You decide...

Can you imagine a house filled with mirrored furniture? hi, narcissa

Friday, May 22, 2009

Good Morning from Manhattan

I arrived in NYC last night...well, technically this morning at 1:30am...to be greeting by a cool spring eve. I grabbed a cab north for about 80 blocks from 33rd to 113th where Gabe and Jason live. I had the window down, and we drove up Central Park West the majority of the way - so I could looky-lou at all the grand parkside buildings.

This morning, Gabe and I headed out to have a Bagel and Lox at a historic Jewish deli/restaurant calle Barney Greenspan's. It was super tasty - but wow - $16 for a bagel with lox... welcome to Manhattan!

Then, after Gabe dropped into the subway system towards his meeting, I decided to walk approx 30 blocks through Central Park on my way back to his place. Once I stepped foot into the park, I realized that it's the first time I've ever really walked THRU the park.

It really is a spectacular park. So well manicured. Clean. Beautiful trails and water features. My favorite place was sitting down and enjoying "The Pond". I'd like to come back here with my honey, grab a spot under a tree and lay on a big blanket and take a nap. So serene. Maybe one day soon ;-)

I'm looking forward to seeing some other friends while here. Gabe & Jason's place is HUGE! 3-stories - prob about 2800-3200 sq feet - and the neighborhood, Morningside, is really adorable. Great to see and be in a new part of the city.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I see you

Two days before my grandma's visit was to end, she had to be rushed to the ER for some internal bleeding. They performed emergency surgery to repair a hernia that ruptured through her intenstine wall. Needlesstosay, her stay has been extended.

I went yesterday to visit her in ICU and it was both hard and sweet. As I approached the ICU ward I walked by the rooms and looked in to see which one held her. I walked slowly and as I passed the doorways, I'd take a quick peek in to see where she was. I walked by them all and didn't see her, yet saw a host of extremely ill people connected to so much equipment it was spooky.

I figured they had moved her to the regular hospital ward. Thank god. I went up to the nurse to ask what room my grandma had been moved to. I asked the desk nurse, "Where can I find Ann D'Amore?" She hestitated as if the name didn't sounds familiar. She then said "Oh, Ann Damore, she's right there." And points to the room right behind me. I turned to see a small, feable woman with slicked-back gray hair, eyes closed, tubes down her throat and nose. Tubes coming out of her sides, and a machine forcing her to breath. It was my grandma. Just moments before, I had completely walked by, looked in, and dismissed her as someone I didn't know. That was hard.

Within 3 minutes of me being there, the Pulmonist came in and said they were taking her off the breathing tube, so they pulled all the tape away from her mouth and then started pulling the tube out. She coughed and gagged but seemed very relieved to have it out. Once they were done, they pointed at me, and asked her "Ann, do you know who that is?" And her eyes opened heavily and she coarsely mouthed, "That's my baby." That was sweet.

I stayed for about 2 hours but her eyes were closed and she seemed to be sleeping for the most part, but every so often she would push her eyes open, with a very drugged and dazed look on her face. She looked so uncomfortable, in pain, and really out of it so I just stroked her arm, and rubbed her fingers and run my fingers on her forehead. At one point she opened her eyes, forced a teeeny smile, and mouthed "I love you." and that made me well up.

To see her so weak and near death was really a disturbing moment. She's always so spicy, firey, and sassy. She really looked like she was going to pass away and that was a terrible sight. The one thing we were totally happy about was this happened here - and not in NJ. She doesn't have anyone that can really care for her back home, so at least she can recover here at my parents' house and my mom can take care of her.

My parents showed up and we started talking about her recovery, and her insurance, and questioning whether or not her coverage is good enough for an emergency surgery and 3 days in ICU. While standing over her, we started talking about our healthcare compared to other countries that have socialized medicine and taking the perspective that other countries like Norway, Sweden, and Canada may actually do healthcare better. I look down and my grandma mouths to me "Fuck You." I started cracking up it was so good to see that sassiness coming through. She's a proud American and hates when people bad mouth America... so even in her foggy recovery, it was nice to know she could understand us - and still be a firecracker even in ICU.

I love you grandma.

Monday, May 11, 2009

There just aren't enough words

What it lacks in technical merit...well really any merit at all... it makes up for in memorability

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Almost a decade for butterflies

First off, I apologize for the month-long delay in-between entries. To say things have been crazy since March 2nd is an understatement. Why March 2nd? Well that's the day my life changed. For the better. You see, from December of 1999 til March 1 of 2009 I've been going through life as a single gay man. A man who remained single because he was searching for something that really felt special. Frankly...I've been waiting to feel butterflies. I waited for almost a decade but it was all worth it.

I'm happy to announce to the WORLD that Matt and I are now in a relationship and I have a full-fledged butterfly aviary in my belly... and it feels AMAZING.

Matt and I have known each other for about 4.5 years, but after he and Scott parted ways, we started spending a great deal of time together and through that time we started getting closer and closer. And I started feeling those butterflies.

The scary thing, I have to admit, was that over the past few years, I started to wonder if I was EVER going to be in love again. I had to have a few serious conversations with myself and said, "Well Dave, it may just be like this for the rest of your life." And I started to listen to that voice more and more...and was saddened to think that I may never be in love again.

Now that Matt and I are together - I've never been happier. It's so great to feel these feelings again and to be silly, giddy, romantic, and loving. The unfortunate part is that Matt currently lives in LA and although he isn't too fond of it there, that's where his job is right now. He'd like to get back to SF as soon as he can, but we'll just do the long distance thing until the gods twitch their nose and make a few changes in our favor.

We've had the great fortune to spend 6 of the first 8 weekends of our relationship together - and I'm very excited about his visit next weekend to meet my family and some of my SJ friends. And our plan is to try and see each other at least every 3 weeks. I also talked to work about me working remotely for a week a month so I can spend a few longer trips with Matt in LA until the U-haul brings him home.

Our dynamic has been incredible. We have so much fun when we're together - and the way I see it, we're just a great match. We share a solid and close group of friends, which have been very supportive and encouraging.

The only way to describe how I feel is that I constantly wish I could smile bigger than I'm physically capable of.

He's my guy... I've got a guy... wow - it's been so long since I've been able to say that... I'm just "YAY" all over my face.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Sie saugen, Konservativen!

This is an amazing example of how tolerance can be taught to children!

Suck it, conservatives!