Mamma Mia! Holy Moly! Oi Vey! Ay Carumba! OMG!

I really don't know where to begin. I'm all a-fluster with commentary I'm literally busting out of my skin.

Now let me start by saying 2 things. First of all, I never saw the stage production so I'm judging this solely on it as a movie - not an adaptation - so I'm not giving it any pity points. Secondly, I absolutely walked into the theater with a bevy of warnings... "Just go see it and have fun," "Don't expect much," "Just enjoy how much fun they're having." I had also seen Roper & Ebert's review on it... so trust me... I wasn't expecting "CHICAGO" or anything that sophisticated. So I did. I really walked in assuming it wouldn't be great but it's ABBA music in Greece... so fun music and great scenery. That didn't disappoint. It was ABBA music and it was great scenery.

I'll start on a positive, since they are few and easy to mention so we get on with the serious dishing.

The single, best part of this movie is Amanda Seyfried. She's enchanting, believable, and j'adorable. She lights up every scene she's in and she can actually sing.

The other enchanting part of this movie is the setting/scenery. The country of Greece should have received top billing in this film - because it sure delivered a spectacular performance in every scene in which it appears.

Everyone else in this movie is - well - atrocious. I think the biggest problem was that it was poorly cast. Most of this movie's problems fall from this simple fact. The leads - including Meryl Streep - are incapable of doing what most performers need to do in a musical - sing and dance well.

Meryl (luv you to death but come on...) is about 15 years too old for this part. She delivers some very tender moments, one of which did make me cry, but for the most part, she should NOT have been in this movie. And many times during the movie, she sounded drunk - slurring her speech. Maybe that was the only way she could tolerate getting through this abomination.

The rest of the leads, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, Christine Baranski, Julie Waters, and Something Sarsgaard were nothing short of awkward, overacting, and bothersome. The standout crappiest singer is Pierce. Who did you blow to get this role? Why were you even considered? Why did you even audition? And towards the end of the movie, Colin Firth's portrayal actually started to offend me. Don't want to give anything away - so I'll stop there - but I wanted to shoot a paintball at him towards the end of the film.

The dancing scenes were so awkward that I actually burst out laughing more than once. One was so ridiculous that I snorted. You'll know it when you see it. And you will laugh too, I promise.

Overall - this entire movie felt as though they filmed the rehearsals and decided to just use that footage. The movie felt unprofessionally executed and, at times, extremely amateur.

I could go on and on - and it may seem that I already have - but if you've seen it and disagree with me - happy to debate. Or if you agree with me - happy to dish.

I will say this - I do give it HUGE points for providing me blog material.