Today I drove down to the desert, but not until after first swinging by Santa Monica to have lunch with Chant, Wilma and Hank... cuz that's how I roll. I swing by LA... I know, I'm pimp.
I sauntered into Santa Monica just about noon and we grabbed a quick bite a local diner/cafe. After a quick trip to Starbucks and then picking up a REXY new pair of Puma sneaks, it was time to get back on the road and head out to Palm Desert.
But first I had to make a quick pit stop at the restroom of this totes pimp McDonald's. Let me set the stage for this McDonald's. Hardwood trim. Plasma TV screens abound. Pretty stylin. So I walked into the stall expecting to find a fairly pimpin' restroom. Well the amenities didn't disappoint, but what I wasn't so impressed with was the plotch of diarrhea left on the bathroom floor of the stall. YES. A plotch of shit.
I began to analyze the potential scenarios that might render such a result. THE only fathomable explanation I can tolerate is that a father was changing his baby's diaper and while his head was turned to sneeze, the baby pushed out a plotch, on the sly.
Any other scenario is unacceptable. Period. Full stop.
Of course, when I entered, I was the only one in the restroom. Now there were a pair of feet just outside the door...waiting for the stall. WHAT WILL HE THINK? I'll tell you... he will think I did it. So... the highlight of my roadtrip to Palm Desert was having to wipe up baby shit [I pray] off the ground to protect my own personal brand from being soiled [wink]. Why I would care what a stranger would think... but obviously I did... cuz I did.
You've never seen SUCH a wadded fistful of toiletpaper in your life. The poor plumbing. Sorry pipes. Choke away cuz unless there were 64-plies of paper tween me and plotch, it wasn't gonna happen.
So thank you Santa Monica, for getting the "Holy Shit" award of the day. Other than that - had a super fun - yet quick - impromptu lunch with my posse in LA. Fo' shizzle...
I took a picture of the plotch, for in-person storytelling shock value. Notice I've spared you all the misery. How caring am I? When will I be anointed a saint? What would I be the patron saint of? I'll leave that up to the peanut gallery of comments. Have at it!
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3 comments:
His is why I don't shit in public ....
You are too funny! I can't believe you cleaned it up! AGGGH!
OK you win, this beats out my "slipping and falling into the big puddle of child vomit at the Disney Store and having to wear Eeyore and Piglet capris home" story
by a mile.
This is Classic Davey....I think your employer should list this anecdote along with your bio on their web site, by way of illustrating what a BRAND STEWARD you're born to be :-)
On to nicer things: What's going on with McDonalds, we actually found like a Dubai-quality (ie, amenities beyond all reason) Mickey Dees in fucking CLOVIS of all places, on our way up to a lake in the mountains a couple of weeks ago.
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