excelLENT

I just had a lunch with my friend...who, for this story, I'll call..."Judas". And she had the ash on her forehead cuz today is, well, Ash Wednesday. We started talking about Lent and what she was planning to sacrifice for the next 5 weeks. Here's our conversation:

Judas: I need to figure out what I'm going to give up for Lent.
Me: What are you considering?
Judas: I don't know, probably alcohol.
Me: And what is the criteria you're using to decide?
Judas: I'm supposed to give up something that means a great deal to me.
Me: [I held up her iPhone] What about this?
Judas: NO WAY! [She nabs it from me in disgust] I can't live without my phone for 5 weeks. How will people call me? How will my boyfriend text me? I have a child!
Me: Um, people have been calling others for over half-a-century using regular phones. You had boyfriends before texting. And people have been raising children forever before there were cell phones.
Judas: True. But I couldn't live without my phone for 5 weeks. What else could I give up?
Me: How about sex?
Judas: WHAT? No way. Geez, why are you asking me to give up things I can't live without?
Me: Um, isn't that the point of this exercise?
Judas: Is it? I'd give up sex before I gave up my iPhone.
Me: OK, how about giving up Facebook?
Judas: [Dead stare at me] Be serious. How would I stalk my boyfriend? What else you got?
Me: Really? You couldn't give up Facebook for 5 weeks?
Judas: [Dead stare #2]
Me: [As we pass a Starbucks I point at it] Give up that.
Judas: STARBUCKS?! Are you crazy?
Me: No, I mean give up coffee.
Judas: WHAT?! You don't want me to give that up, trust me.
Me: You could do it.
Judas: No way. Next?
Me: OK, then give up vanity. No make-up.
Judas: Can't. I have a wedding to go to this weekend.
Me: So?
Judas: [Dead stare #3]
Me: OK, what about giving up TV?
Judas: Then how will I kill time everynight? Why are you picking tough ones?
Me: It's so you learn about sacrifice. You're the one with the ash on your forehead, not me. So really, what about TV?
Judas: My TiVo would fill up and it wouldn't record all my shows. How would I get all caught up after Easter?
Me: You'd have 80 hours worth of shows.
Judas: [Dead stare #4]
Me: Really! Really? 80 hours wouldn't be enough?
Judas: Next?
Me: OK, then how about you give up TiVo.
Judas: But what if I missed American Idol?
Me: OK, then give up American Idol.
Judas: Uh-uh. That's the main reason why I can't give up TV!
Me: Really? You can't give up Idol?
Judas: Nope. Next idea?
Me: Well, there's really only one thing left to give up.
Judas: What's that?
Me: Catholicism...cuz you're a poser.
Judas: You're right. I'll just stay a sinner. Idol's on tonight AND tomorrow, right?

ExcelLENT!